Agreement with Resentment

I had an encounter with God the other day. I got out of bed just a little earlier than usual for work, and decided to make use of the time I had before running out to take the kids to school. There were a number of things I could of done, but this morning instead of catching up on email, Facebook, or anything else web related, I decided to slow things down a bit. I picked up my Bible and Walking With God, by John Eldredge, and went to my back porch for some spiritual reading--I was not prepared for what came next.


The reading was on dreams, which had nothing really to do with me, but what did hit home were some agreements he talked about. Agreements I realized I had made that were literally eating me alive. One particular agreement came through the relationship of a friend. I had been carrying with me some anger and resentment towards this guy over a recent disappointment in my life. Whether or not he was the one to blame was irrelevant. What the Holy Spirit pointed out to me was the wound I had received drove me to focus all of my anger on one person. He became my target. The enemy was in my ear counting back through situations and circumstances and said, "He's the one to blame." "Look! Look! See what he did?" "It's all his fault!" I gave in and made the agreement. "You're right," I thought. How could I have missed that?"


You see, this is how our enemy works, and it is usually in subtle ways. He doesn't want to give himself away. The more aware you are of him and his work, the more subtle Satan has to work to sneak up on you. By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, I renounced the agreement and repented of the vow I had made. What was my vow? "I'm gonna keep this guy at distance. I'm not going to get close to him. I'm going to be critical of his work even though I'll keep my criticisms to myself. Just choke the life out of this relationship." Even as I'm writing this, I'm getting nauseated.


I thought I'd be able to handle this disappointment. Manage it somehow until it finally goes away. This never works. All it does is just eat away at you until you can't stand it anymore. In the world of the Trinity, that's how it works. Otherwise, we'd never get to the point where we need to turn to Him so He can save us from ourselves.


I surrendered. I confessed that I can't just manage this stuff on my own and I asked Jesus to genuinely heal me. Then, I brought the fullness of His work between me and the warfare surrounding the situation, namely resentment. Immediately the weight was lifted, my attitude had changed, and I began to work towards reconciliation with my friend. I emailed him as a part of my healing journey from this disappointment to apologize for my thoughts and attitude.


You might ask why that was necessary since he knew nothing of my thoughts. It isn't always necessary, but I knew what I had to do for reconciliation on my part. The result was renewed trust, a new sense of shared mission, and new life to a relationship that was dying by my own hands.

What Is Rally Point?

I'm so glad you asked! In order to answer this question, there are some things you need to know about me, my experience with a transformational message as old as time itself, and the mission I've been called to.
Let's start with the man.
I was born and raised in the Middle Georgia Area, and brought up in a very conservative/traditional denomination of the Church. I became a convert to the Christian faith at a very young age. Church attendance was important to my family, so you could imagine that I was present every time the doors were open. You could say I had a very religious upbringing. I participated in everything that a good Christian was supposed to participate in, and did it all very well. I went to Trevecca University and pursued a degree in religion with an emphasis in Pastoral Ministries, a career path I know that I was called to. I served in two senior pastorates, both of which were let's say, "less than perfect." Then came to my home church in Middle Georgia to serve as an associate pastor for almost five years.
This is where life for me began to change.
After two difficult pastorates, I needed time to heal, restore, and recover. There was no better place than the home in which I knew and loved. It was an opportunity for me to continue serving while seeking and finding the much needed restoration that my soul needed. Little did I know that I needed so much more, and it was the more that God so desperately wanted to do in my life.
It began with a gift, a Christmas gift in fact, from my sister-in-law. It was a gift card to Barnes and Noble. Well, after a month or two I finally got to use my card. At the suggestion of my wife (believe me guys, sometimes its good to listen to your wife) I picked up the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. A revolution took place in my mind and then it trickled down into my heart and to the rest of my life as it penetrated every part of me. Never, and I do mean never, have I heard the gospel presented in such a way. How did I miss this? Then upon looking back on my life and the wounds given to me by family members, friends, churches, and superiors, I began to receive God's healing and I allowed Him to restore not just me, but my masculine heart. These wounds throughout my life carried with them a message, "You have nothing to offer, you're a failure, and it would just be better for you if you just played it safe the rest of your life." I believed it, and because I believed it, I checked out on my wife, family, and church. I became afraid to offer what these people in my life really needed, my heart. I gave them my mind and my hands, but not my heart. There is a difference.
Thankfully, my story doesn't end there. No, because this story is not about me. It's about Jesus. The man who made no apology for being a man. The man who sacrificed all for the good of those who would take up His charge. The man who fought for those who could not fight for themselves. The man who offered me a place in His fellowship because He saw that I did indeed have something to offer. The man who looked at me and refused to see a failure, but a victor. The man who taught me that living safely is not living at all. By His grace I've been following ever since.
This is my story. My next post will be the transformational message that impacted me so, and thus is the message of Rally Point. Please feel free to leave your comments below and sign up as a follower. May God bless!!